It's funny how fast life goes by. We say this all the time. I've written it here many times. At the time of my last post, some things were going great and others were not. And I prayed and gave them to God and they got better. This was not without stress and it didn't happen right away but it did happen.
A lot has happened since then: I've been at that same job for just over two years, I've moved out of my parents house and in with a couple friends, I acquired a SMART PHONE (WOOOOOO! Seriously, super exciting!) and I met the woman of my dreams. We've been dating 1 year, 4 months, and 13 days.
I've save that story for another post (I plan to start posting again, but we'll see how that goes). I know not a lot of people read this but that never really mattered. I forgot how therapeutic writing is. And not just writing but writing about me. That may sound narcissistic but it's hard to bare your soul and talk about the bad along with the good.
But I just wanted to say that while stress is never fully non existent, I have a lot to be thankful for and I feel truely blessed.
Your's In Writing
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
*insert frustrating emotion here*
I wish I had an explanation for what I'm feeling right now. The truth is the more I try to explain it, even to myself, the more confusing it becomes.
There's a pit at the bottom of my stomach. I feel like a part of me is missing. We were just friends. Honest. That's not to say the friendship wasn't special. Because it was. And despite the last couple of months, I still think very highly of you. But I get attached to people. Long after they're done with me. I get attached to the idea of what was there. The romanticism of knowing another human being on a deeper level. A bad choice of words, perhaps, but I wrote them.
We haven't even been that close lately. Maybe that was it. I tried to force it back to it's origins. Maybe I'm just too much. Maybe I could go on forever wondering what I did wrong.
It's not that my mind never considered the possibility of something more. But it didn't seem possible, given the circumstances. And I was okay with that. But now...
If you ever read this...and you know who you are...I miss you more than I probably ought to. And I don't know what that means.
But I'm here if you ever change your mind. If you ever decide to talk to me again. Decide that you want me in your life after all.
And I want you to know something else. You can tell me absolutely anything. Anything. No matter what. Despite how I've been lately, and if you remember from when we did talk, I'm a pretty good listener.
But in case we don't ever talk again, may God lead you in your decisions. May you set out after your goals and dreams and reach higher than you ever imagined.
I hope you have a wonderful life.
And I hope you dance.
There's a pit at the bottom of my stomach. I feel like a part of me is missing. We were just friends. Honest. That's not to say the friendship wasn't special. Because it was. And despite the last couple of months, I still think very highly of you. But I get attached to people. Long after they're done with me. I get attached to the idea of what was there. The romanticism of knowing another human being on a deeper level. A bad choice of words, perhaps, but I wrote them.
We haven't even been that close lately. Maybe that was it. I tried to force it back to it's origins. Maybe I'm just too much. Maybe I could go on forever wondering what I did wrong.
It's not that my mind never considered the possibility of something more. But it didn't seem possible, given the circumstances. And I was okay with that. But now...
If you ever read this...and you know who you are...I miss you more than I probably ought to. And I don't know what that means.
But I'm here if you ever change your mind. If you ever decide to talk to me again. Decide that you want me in your life after all.
And I want you to know something else. You can tell me absolutely anything. Anything. No matter what. Despite how I've been lately, and if you remember from when we did talk, I'm a pretty good listener.
But in case we don't ever talk again, may God lead you in your decisions. May you set out after your goals and dreams and reach higher than you ever imagined.
I hope you have a wonderful life.
And I hope you dance.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
New Job!
I have a new job! It's exciting! Full time! Lot's of exclamation marks! OOOoooooOOOoooo!!!!!!!!!!
Some People
There are some people that come in to your lives, if only for a moment.
I should be able to get over it I suppose. I shouldn't need to care about it this much. But that's the trouble with being me. I'll care about everyone I've met, all the time, for the rest of my life. Will I think of them for all of that time? Of course not. Some people have a bigger impact on our lives than others. Not everyone sticks. But everyone does matter.
But there are some people that stick more than others. That have a bigger impact. Some people, I do think of a lot. Maybe not all the time. Maybe. But often enough I assure you. Some people are on my mind more often than I wish they were. People who have long given up on me by now, I'm sure. Who have...outgrown me. Or so it would seem.
And though I understand (I guess) I don't think I could ever let go of them. Or at the very least those moments long since gone where I was in their lives and they were in mine. They feel like a dreams now.
I wonder what they think of when they think of me.
Your's In Writing
I should be able to get over it I suppose. I shouldn't need to care about it this much. But that's the trouble with being me. I'll care about everyone I've met, all the time, for the rest of my life. Will I think of them for all of that time? Of course not. Some people have a bigger impact on our lives than others. Not everyone sticks. But everyone does matter.
But there are some people that stick more than others. That have a bigger impact. Some people, I do think of a lot. Maybe not all the time. Maybe. But often enough I assure you. Some people are on my mind more often than I wish they were. People who have long given up on me by now, I'm sure. Who have...outgrown me. Or so it would seem.
And though I understand (I guess) I don't think I could ever let go of them. Or at the very least those moments long since gone where I was in their lives and they were in mine. They feel like a dreams now.
I wonder what they think of when they think of me.
Your's In Writing
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Have I lost another one Lord?
Have I lost another one Lord?
Another fleeting thing that my heart runs after. That consumes my thoughts.
Please forgive my fickle heart. Forgive my tendency to run to the thing that pleases me now, if only for a short time.
Help me not chase after people with a motive of self satisfaction but out of Christian unconditional love. Help me make sure that the treasure my heart goes after and holds onto is you. That these other things that I want may be granted to me and the may not but that those things whether or not I have them not be the object of my affections.
Give me a new heart. One that longs and chases after you.
Amen
Another fleeting thing that my heart runs after. That consumes my thoughts.
Please forgive my fickle heart. Forgive my tendency to run to the thing that pleases me now, if only for a short time.
Help me not chase after people with a motive of self satisfaction but out of Christian unconditional love. Help me make sure that the treasure my heart goes after and holds onto is you. That these other things that I want may be granted to me and the may not but that those things whether or not I have them not be the object of my affections.
Give me a new heart. One that longs and chases after you.
Amen
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Let's get along now hmm?
What's this? I'm writing again? Again?
Why can't people just get along? I find it so mentally draining to maintain not getting along with someone. Either they refuse to get along with you, or you have a grudge against them. But to what end?
Sometimes people's personalities clash. That's a different matter. Still something to work on though.
We need patience for this.
Actually we need patience for both.
But the reason for my frustration (did I say I was frustrated?) is that it seems as though some people refuse to get along.
What good is it doing you? I understand that sometimes, there is something that the other person did that you need healing from. And no they don't always need to be in on your healing process. In fact it might be better if they aren't. I don't know.
But if you're going to treat someone as though they did you harm on a mental or emotional level, make sure they are aware of this. Because they might not be. They might not understand the thing they are being punished for.
If they didn't do anything wrong. If it's just you. Tell them that. Say it's nothing personal, it's just that you're a different person now. Who knows, the person might give you the space you need.
I don't know. I just notice a lot of "I have a problem with you but I'm not going to tell you why. Good luck figuring it out."
And I'm not innocent in this department. And I think that gives me the ability to talk and or vent about this. Because bottling it up doesn't help anyone. I promise.
This is at no one specific person. I'm not yelling at anyone. It's more of a call to action. As I said, I've been guilty party in this scenario I'm sure. So I can say that in the long run, it's just so very draining being on the receiving end of it as well as the giving end.
Your's In Writing
Why can't people just get along? I find it so mentally draining to maintain not getting along with someone. Either they refuse to get along with you, or you have a grudge against them. But to what end?
Sometimes people's personalities clash. That's a different matter. Still something to work on though.
We need patience for this.
Actually we need patience for both.
But the reason for my frustration (did I say I was frustrated?) is that it seems as though some people refuse to get along.
What good is it doing you? I understand that sometimes, there is something that the other person did that you need healing from. And no they don't always need to be in on your healing process. In fact it might be better if they aren't. I don't know.
But if you're going to treat someone as though they did you harm on a mental or emotional level, make sure they are aware of this. Because they might not be. They might not understand the thing they are being punished for.
If they didn't do anything wrong. If it's just you. Tell them that. Say it's nothing personal, it's just that you're a different person now. Who knows, the person might give you the space you need.
I don't know. I just notice a lot of "I have a problem with you but I'm not going to tell you why. Good luck figuring it out."
And I'm not innocent in this department. And I think that gives me the ability to talk and or vent about this. Because bottling it up doesn't help anyone. I promise.
This is at no one specific person. I'm not yelling at anyone. It's more of a call to action. As I said, I've been guilty party in this scenario I'm sure. So I can say that in the long run, it's just so very draining being on the receiving end of it as well as the giving end.
Your's In Writing
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