Respectful Bubble Popping

There are some people I've come across that just don't share a lot of themselves with other people. And that's understandable. Everyone is entitled to their privacy as well as an element of mystique. After all, not everyone would understand. We all walk different paths and are at different levels of maturity while we're on this planet but not everyone is able to come to terms with other people's walks.

Some of those people, when you become friends with them, show a little bit more of themselves. They trust you so they are more themselves around you. You're able to peel back the layers and see the "true them".

This seems to be shaky ground though. Because,  what if you're friends with someone but they're still standoffish. I could easily see someone putting up walls of protection because they've been hurt or misunderstood. And I could also easily see them putting up those walls but also wanting to see how far these friends of theirs will go to break them down...to see how much they care. How does that go? Good friends respect your space, best friends know they don't need to? Something like that.

So how do you know the difference between when do delve and when leave well enough alone?

If you ever figure that out, let me know.

Your's In Writing

To "date" or not to "date". That is the question.

I have this friend. I care about her. It doesn't matter how long I've known her. We have decent chemistry but not the best, but not terrible either. She isn't Christian but had a religious upbringing. And she isn't apposed to the idea of going to church or talking about God. And I'm fond of her.

So my problem is I'd like to date her but I'm going to marry a Christian. That's really important to me. It's all I have left. I lost my virginity in college and I said I'd wait till marriage.  I didn't. I wish I could take it back...sort of. I loved my girlfriend and I don't regret that. But I do wish I could say now that I waited. So all I have left now is marrying a Christian.

And she isn't one. But I want to date her. But I don't want to break our hearts down the road when we break it off because we want different things. Because I'm not going to force my faith on her. That's VERY wrong. Talking about it is good. But that's different.

Maybe I'm just reliving a regret. I had this other friend. Well, we're still friends. Very good friends actually. The kind of friends that could not talk for months...years...and pick right back up where we left off. And we have. Many times. And I'm so grateful for that. The problem is, where we left off was we almost dated. I said no because she wasn't a Christian. And I've regretted not giving it a chance. Ever since.

I saw into the future, I don't know how far, but I saw us having the conversation about faith and how I'm going to get married to a someone who shares my faith that Christ died for our sins and came back to life and those who believe that and live by that are going to heaven one day. And I wasn't a Christian. And I wasn't going to force her into that because that's wrong. That's not how that works. So I called it off then before it even started. And I wish I would have given it a chance.

We've talked since then, this other friend and I, and she's assured me we made the right decision. But I can't shake the notion that we were supposed to give it a chance and didn't.

"The one that got away."

And I've always regretted that. And maybe I always will. We don't always get over things you know. Sometime we just learn to live with them. With the regrets. Because they can help us learn and grow and not make the same mistakes in the future. Right? Right??

So here I am. Back 'round full circle. She's not Christian. And no, she isn't the other friend. I know that. I'm not trying to make up for that. Not with this anyway. But I also don't want to make that same mistake. Dating is about getting to know someone you're interested in. And it doesn't even have to be "dating". Going on a date is just that. You meet someone and you want to get to know them. So you go out to dinner (or something) and because chivalry isn't dead, the guy pays for the girl's meal and or whatever the entertainment is for the evening. Bowling is a fun time no matter how good or bad you are. No excuse. If you had a fun time, if you enjoyed yourself, you go again. Maybe you take it up a notch. A fancy dinner. Or you keep it light. Or you don't have time for that but you do want to keep getting to know them so you talk on the phone. And if not. If it didn't go the way you'd hoped all it was was a date. You go back to being friends (yes, you can) or acquaintances or whatever it is you both decide to be. One date does not a relationship make. Are we clear?

But I'm still afraid of that Ol' "well we might have to break up if things get real serious and the tides aren't a changing."

I am the hero and the saboteur.

We are our own worst enemies.

Your's In Writing

Pounding, Pounding, Pounding.

My heart is pounding. A million miles an hour. I feel completely crazy. Not a mentally stable neuron in that gray blob in my skull. And at the same time I feel the sanest I've ever felt.

Your's In Writing

Let It Go

I know telling people to "let it go" isn't necessarily the right thing because "how can we?"

But, at the same time, that's what we have to do.

Not forget. It's not the same.

In fact, I'd like to propose that we actually remember it more when we let it go. Because we remember that we've moved past it.

When we don't let it go, we forget.

We forget to live.

Communicating...easier said that done.

Get it?

It seems like a simple thing.  Tell someone how you fell, what you're thinking, why you disagree, why you think they're amazing, etc.

And it should be, but it isn't. Emotions get in the way: "I hope I don't offend them, I wonder what they'll do if I say something, will in ruin our friendship, etc.

Should I have called this post "etc."?

But actually it is easy.  We just get scared or second guess ourselves. Sometimes we think we're being a burden and don't want to put too much pressure on the other person. And sometimes we think "why bother? they wouldn't listen to me anyway..."

But things are better when we communicate. Yes, we might lose people but if they didn't understand, then what was your friendship based on? If they can't stay friends with you after you say what's on your mind then maybe they really didn't truly value your opinion in the first place.

Advice I'm sure I need to take.

And if they can't stay after you unload, maybe they shouldn't be in your life.  We need people in our lives that can handle us, that love us for who we are but also help us to change in the good ways rather than "try to change us."

We really do need to communicate more. All of us. All the time. Even if that we communicate that we don't want to talk about something right now.  Or that we do but we don't know how to say what we want to say.  Or if we are afraid of hurting someone's feelings, that we say that to them as well.  Give them the footnotes to what you want to say.  It's something and it shows that you do care and
that you want to have a communicative relationship. Even if, again, you just need to communicate to say that you don't feel like talking but that it doesn't mean you want to be alone.

Just something that's been on my mind.