Heartbreak.
Not "high school crush" heartbreak, or "you made a comment and I took it the wrong way" heartbreak but true, deep, soul wracking heart break.
When you let yourself go. When you completely trust someone. When you let someone in. And then they get ripped away from you.
Not necessarily in a romantic way either. Though that hurts too. But it's not the kind of love it is. It's just love in general. In this case, it's family love. I don't have any siblings, but once in a while, friends will take that role.
Most recently, someone came into my life I am able to call "sister". I let myself go completely. And now, we may not be allowed to see each other for a while. And my heart hurts.
At the end of the day, I have God. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to hurt, just that He will help me through it. And I pray that I can see my "sister" again soon!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Monday, September 2, 2013
A Fairy Tale
I started watching Once Upon A Time a while back, but ran out of episodes on Netflix. Just recently they added the second season. So I watched the first two episodes. That's probably part of the cause for my insomnia.
Another favorite show of mine is Warehouse 13. I'm sad their ending it. But the concept, if you aren't familiar with it, is that there are these objects called artifacts that have powers imbued into them. Some thing that someone had while they went through some emotional ordeal and all that emotion is poured into that object. As a result, the object is able to do something having to do with the emotion. It is given a power or an ability.
In both cases, as well as many others, power is tied to emotion. This is true in the real world as well. In the first instance, we have a different kind of power. We can speak well in front of large groups or make a beautiful painting, or build a house, or write a story. They go on and on. A mixture of talents (natural abilities) and skills (abilities we acquire). But the things that we can do, especially our natural abilities, are very much tied to our emotions.
And also with the second instance, we create emotional ties to things. Sentimentality. Things hold memories. Bonds.
I have an object. I won't say what it is. But I will say that signifies a pivotal moment in my life. The end of an era. And it also serves as a foundation what the next era that came out of that. This object is everything that was and will be and could have been. It is the essence of the particular situation I'm referring to that I'm being overly vague about.
The point is, it's almost as if this object is an artifact. I wouldn't think so but something happened a while back when I interacted with the object for the first time since the instance. And then again the second time which was a large space in between. After it first happened a waited awhile before trying to interact with it again. But it did it again. I began to feel different. My body tingled. I let go as soon as I could bring myself to (like when you're being electrocuted and it hurts but you can't let go. When I was no longer touching the object, the feeling stopped. Was it an artifact? Was it just my imagination? The mind IS a powerful thing. And memories are connected to sights and smells and sensations. Maybe it was just me feeling the object that was bringing back memories of how I used to feel? But that was a different feeling than this one. I couldn't explain it. Can't explain it. Just imagine. And wonder.
There was a third time, It didn't feel the same. I had told a couple people. And after this, the feeling didn't come. But I did start to act only slightly different. Maybe it didn't effect me because I'm stronger. Or maybe It was because I'm not strong enough. Maybe it effected me more than i realize, and that the tingling was me fighting back. And now there's no fight? It was definitely after I told two people how I felt about it though. One was involved in the situation and the other had observed it and was there for me and I knew would relate.
I could go on and on but I won't because the desire for sleep is beginning to crawl back into where it should be. So I'll leave with this. I think our brains, are capable of WAY more than we even acknowledge. And maybe sounds and sights and smells and memories can change us. Maybe not with special powers but in a way, we a power from within us.
There's more I want to say but sleep has found me. Goodnight.
Your's In Writing
Another favorite show of mine is Warehouse 13. I'm sad their ending it. But the concept, if you aren't familiar with it, is that there are these objects called artifacts that have powers imbued into them. Some thing that someone had while they went through some emotional ordeal and all that emotion is poured into that object. As a result, the object is able to do something having to do with the emotion. It is given a power or an ability.
In both cases, as well as many others, power is tied to emotion. This is true in the real world as well. In the first instance, we have a different kind of power. We can speak well in front of large groups or make a beautiful painting, or build a house, or write a story. They go on and on. A mixture of talents (natural abilities) and skills (abilities we acquire). But the things that we can do, especially our natural abilities, are very much tied to our emotions.
And also with the second instance, we create emotional ties to things. Sentimentality. Things hold memories. Bonds.
I have an object. I won't say what it is. But I will say that signifies a pivotal moment in my life. The end of an era. And it also serves as a foundation what the next era that came out of that. This object is everything that was and will be and could have been. It is the essence of the particular situation I'm referring to that I'm being overly vague about.
The point is, it's almost as if this object is an artifact. I wouldn't think so but something happened a while back when I interacted with the object for the first time since the instance. And then again the second time which was a large space in between. After it first happened a waited awhile before trying to interact with it again. But it did it again. I began to feel different. My body tingled. I let go as soon as I could bring myself to (like when you're being electrocuted and it hurts but you can't let go. When I was no longer touching the object, the feeling stopped. Was it an artifact? Was it just my imagination? The mind IS a powerful thing. And memories are connected to sights and smells and sensations. Maybe it was just me feeling the object that was bringing back memories of how I used to feel? But that was a different feeling than this one. I couldn't explain it. Can't explain it. Just imagine. And wonder.
There was a third time, It didn't feel the same. I had told a couple people. And after this, the feeling didn't come. But I did start to act only slightly different. Maybe it didn't effect me because I'm stronger. Or maybe It was because I'm not strong enough. Maybe it effected me more than i realize, and that the tingling was me fighting back. And now there's no fight? It was definitely after I told two people how I felt about it though. One was involved in the situation and the other had observed it and was there for me and I knew would relate.
I could go on and on but I won't because the desire for sleep is beginning to crawl back into where it should be. So I'll leave with this. I think our brains, are capable of WAY more than we even acknowledge. And maybe sounds and sights and smells and memories can change us. Maybe not with special powers but in a way, we a power from within us.
There's more I want to say but sleep has found me. Goodnight.
Your's In Writing
Insomnia The Fourth.
Do you believe in magic? With all the stories of wizards and vampires of today, and with all the fairy tales of our youth, having it all thrown at us...it makes one wonder.
I believe in God. I believe he created all things. I believe the world was spoken into existence. The cosmos in all their complexity. Down to the smallest form of anything. An Atom. A Quark. A Planck Length.
By the way, go to this website: http://htwins.net/scale2/. It starts you out at us. Go to the right and you get bigger. To the left, smaller. All the way to the left is a Planck Length. I'll let you go there and click on it for the explanation for what it is because I read it and I still don't know.
I believe God created all this. Sure, man has named these things. But God made these things so.
So if I have to pick between the two, well there's no question as to what that choice is.
But what if I didn't have to choose. With God, all things are possible. Now I'm not suggesting that there really is magic in the world. At least not the way we, as a world, has defined it. But what is magic in the stories we write? A power we don't understand. An unseen force that allows those that posses it to do things that they themselves would not normally be able to do.
Christ performed many miracles in the Bible. What is a miracle? It's a thing that is done with a force or power that mere humans don't understand. To me that sounds wonderful. To me, that sounds like magic.
I believe in God. I believe he created all things. I believe the world was spoken into existence. The cosmos in all their complexity. Down to the smallest form of anything. An Atom. A Quark. A Planck Length.
By the way, go to this website: http://htwins.net/scale2/. It starts you out at us. Go to the right and you get bigger. To the left, smaller. All the way to the left is a Planck Length. I'll let you go there and click on it for the explanation for what it is because I read it and I still don't know.
I believe God created all this. Sure, man has named these things. But God made these things so.
So if I have to pick between the two, well there's no question as to what that choice is.
But what if I didn't have to choose. With God, all things are possible. Now I'm not suggesting that there really is magic in the world. At least not the way we, as a world, has defined it. But what is magic in the stories we write? A power we don't understand. An unseen force that allows those that posses it to do things that they themselves would not normally be able to do.
Christ performed many miracles in the Bible. What is a miracle? It's a thing that is done with a force or power that mere humans don't understand. To me that sounds wonderful. To me, that sounds like magic.
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