A Rant

I wanted to rant about people and flirting too much but this just isn't going to go there.

Instead, I'm going to talk about communication and how some people suck at it.  Seriously.  If something is bothering you, tell the person.

From the negative...
Could you please stop chewing with your mouth open.
Pick your clothes up off the floor.
Look, there's something we need to talk about.

To the positive...
Hey, I think you're cool, we should hang out.
I like what you've got on today.
Thank you for being a great friend, you're more than I deserve and I'm thankful for having you in my life.

To the in between...
I'm uncomfortable with this situation.
I don't really feel welcome here.
I'd really like some time by myself for a bit.  It's nothing against you, I just want some "me" time.

For some reason, we don't do well with confrontation of any kind.  We don't want to be viewed as stuck up, a suck up, or anywhere in between that might have a negative connotation.  So we just don't even try.  But the ironic thing is that through our inactivity we are can often be viewed either as the stereotypes that we are trying to avoid or as the exact oposite of the spectrum which isn't any better.

But it's just so important for us to communicate.  See we sometimes don't feel comfortable communicating with people we barely know.  But in truth, it's impossible to get to know someone until you begin to communicate with them.  Sometimes you just have to take the plunge and be uncomfortable.  And work past it.  Can it suck for those of us who don't have a natural talent at opening up to people? Yes.  But too bad.

Quit being sissies (including myself) and get out there and communicate!  Open up to people.

That's all I've got.

Petrichor

I work at a bookstore now!  So exciting!  I've been at it around a month now.  I told myself I was going to keep track exactly the day I started.  But just like a lot of other things I tell myself I'm going to do and or keep track of, I didn't.

Something I'll have to work on.

Two of my shifts are closing shifts.  In my head, they are the most stressful.  There's a lot involved, twice as much as opening.  I enjoy both but it's pressure.  But this job feels right.  Working in a bookstore.  It just feels right.

Anyway...

I love the smell in the air after rain.  "Petrichor."  According to doctor who it's the smell of dust after rain.  Wikipedia says it's the smell of the earth.  I don't know :P  But it smells wonderful and it smelled like that last night when I got home from work after closing.  It reminds me of so many other times it smelled like that.  Of my childhood.  Of summer.  When I was getting done with work, I heard a hissing noise that took me a bit to register as rain.  I looked out the window and sure enough...  It was odd because it was really warm all day.  And here it was raining.  REALLY raining.  I locked up and made a bee line for the van, passing a couple of kids in the car next to mine that may or may not have been involved in, well, each other.  The desire to be as dry as possible was stronger than any curiosity I had.  The last part of the closing shift entails driving to the bank to the night deposite.  As I did this, it continued to pour.  But as I drove home it started to lighten up.  By the time I pulled up next to my house, it had nearly stopped, only the lightest of rains remained.  And as I stepped out of the vehicle, petrichor hit my nostrils.

It's a subtle reminder that no matter the unexpected storms that life throws your way, something beautiful will always follow.

Your's In Writing

With Great Power...

How do I start this?

I'm changing.  For the better I'm sure.  I hope.

I'm learning and relearning so many things.  And one thing has become abundantly clear: everyone has a dark side.  The problem with being empathetic is that yours is a reflection of others as well as your own ghosts.

And being able to sense things.  Not like a psychic or anything.  But being able to understand certain situations and attitudes and read between the lines.

It's frustrating when you can help and that person won't let you.  You don't know why, or how.  You just know you can.  You can feel it as deep as the marrow in your bones.  You know it to be true.  And you are resisted at nearly every turn.

Nearly every turn.  But not all.

So where is it?  My way in?  What's the key?

With great power comes great responsibility. A movie quote, yes.  But a good one.  To paraphrase something that someone else told me, if you have the ability to do something [in a helping sense], then you also have the responsibility to do it.  If you can [help] then you should.

But how do I help someone who doesn't want to be helped?

Why am I changing - gaining an understanding of these abilities - if I can't even use them?

All in good time I trust.  But the waiting is killing me.

Your's In Writing