A Fairy Tale

I started watching Once Upon A Time a while back, but ran out of episodes on Netflix.  Just recently they added the second season.  So I watched the first two episodes.  That's probably part of the cause for my insomnia.

Another favorite show of mine is Warehouse 13.  I'm sad their ending it.  But the concept, if you aren't familiar with it, is that there are these objects called artifacts that have powers imbued into them.  Some thing that someone had while they went through some emotional ordeal and all that emotion is poured into that object.  As a result, the object is able to do something having to do with the emotion. It is given a power or an ability.

In both cases, as well as many others, power is tied to emotion.  This is true in the real world as well.  In the first instance, we have a different kind of power.  We can speak well in front of large groups or make a beautiful painting, or build a house, or write a story.  They go on and on.  A mixture of talents (natural abilities) and skills (abilities we acquire).  But the things that we can do, especially our natural abilities, are very much tied to our emotions.

And also with the second instance, we create emotional ties to things.  Sentimentality.  Things hold memories.   Bonds.

I have an object.  I won't say what it is.  But I will say that signifies a pivotal moment in my life.  The end of an era.   And it also serves as a foundation what the next era that came out of that.  This object is everything that was and will be and could have been.  It is the essence of the particular situation I'm referring to that I'm being overly vague about.

The point is, it's almost as if this object is an artifact.  I wouldn't think so but something happened a while back when I interacted with the object for the first time since the instance.  And then again the second time which was a large space in between.  After it first happened a waited awhile before trying to interact with it again.  But it did it again.  I began to feel different.  My body tingled.  I let go as soon as I could bring myself to (like when you're being electrocuted and it hurts but you can't let go.  When I was no longer touching the object, the feeling stopped.  Was it an artifact?  Was it just my imagination? The mind IS a powerful thing.  And memories are connected to sights and smells and sensations.  Maybe it was just me feeling the object that was bringing back memories of how I used to feel?  But that was a different feeling than this one.  I couldn't explain it.  Can't explain it.  Just imagine.  And wonder.

There was a third time, It didn't feel the same.  I had told a couple people.  And after this, the feeling didn't come.  But I did start to act only slightly different.  Maybe it didn't effect me because I'm stronger.  Or maybe It was because I'm not strong enough.  Maybe it effected me more than i realize, and that the tingling was me fighting back.  And now there's no fight?  It was definitely after I told two people how I felt about it though.  One was involved in the situation and the other had observed it and was there for me and I knew would relate.

I could go on and on but I won't because the desire for sleep is beginning to crawl back into where it should be.  So I'll leave with this.  I think our brains, are capable of WAY more than we even acknowledge.  And maybe sounds and sights and smells and memories can change us.  Maybe not with special powers but in a way, we a power from within us.

There's more I want to say but sleep has found me.  Goodnight.

Your's In Writing

Insomnia The Fourth.

Do you believe in magic?  With all the stories of wizards and vampires of today, and with all the fairy tales of our youth, having it all thrown at us...it makes one wonder.

I believe in God.  I believe he created all things.  I believe the world was spoken into existence.  The cosmos in all their complexity.  Down to the smallest form of anything.  An Atom.  A Quark.  A Planck Length.

By the way, go to this website: http://htwins.net/scale2/.  It starts you out at us.  Go to the right and you get bigger.  To the left, smaller.  All the way to the left is a Planck Length.  I'll let you go there and click on it for the explanation for what it is because I read it and I still don't know.

I believe God created all this.  Sure, man has named these things.  But God made these things so.

So if I have to pick between the two, well there's no question as to what that choice is.

But what if I didn't have to choose.  With God, all things are possible.  Now I'm not suggesting that there really is magic in the world.  At least not the way we, as a world, has defined it.  But what is magic in the stories we write?  A power we don't understand.  An unseen force that allows those that posses it to do things that they themselves would not normally be able to do.

Christ performed many miracles in the Bible.  What is a miracle?  It's a thing that is done with a force or power that mere humans don't understand.  To me that sounds wonderful.  To me, that sounds like magic.

Whether the Weather.

It has been really quite nice out.  It's a shame I've only gone swimming once so far.  I know this is old news but it's remarkable how fast the summer is going.  I was looking forward to it being like this and now...  Why aren't I out there right at this moment?  I'll go out in a bit.

But it's always "in a bit".  Or "later".  Sometimes, I feel like the king of procrastination.  I'll read my Bible later.  I'll edit all those videos later.  I'll do the laundry later.  I'll go out and mow the lawn in a bit. Even relaxing and going outside to go for a walk or a bike ride.  Later.  And I get in this rut of "oh poor me, I can't do it.  Why am I so lazy?  Yadah yadah yadah."  It makes me sad that I'm so "meh" a lot of the time.  But I keep forgetting that I don't have to try and get out of that rut on my own.  I have an ever-loving, all-knowing, God to help me.  He wants me to enjoy his creation.  To be happy.  He wants me to be productive.  But ultimately he wants me to look to Him to do it.  To be satisfied in Him.

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him." - John Piper.

This is true Joy.  When we delight in the things that God intended for us and in the way he intended for us to them, we feel this Joy.  A semi-recent sermon I heard at church helped clarify this point.  We may feel "happy" at times via things of this world and the way this world enjoys them.  But it is a temporary happiness that will fade and leave us feeling with a nagging emptiness.  A sense of longing.  God needs to be the reason.  Or at least, in every reason.

With Him, we go be out in his creation, and be productive and take care of the things God has given us.

And enjoy the weather.

Your's In Writing

All In Good Timing

        Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick.
        Kyle had just woken up.  His watch was on the nightstand, inches away from his ear. 
        A deep breath.
        Here we go again.  Another day.
        He wasn’t sure if he could do this much longer.  If it weren’t for God, he knew he wouldn’t have the strength to do it at all.  But even with abilities outside of himself, this was quite difficult.
        Being an Empath means feeling what other people feel, regardless of if they explain it to you or not.  Regardless of if you understand it or not.  It means feeling intense emotions: someone else’s in addition to your own.
        Kyle had asked for this.  He had prayed.  And then he forgot about it.  Like a lot of other things he’d prayed for in the past.  In moments of self-doubt he would ask for talents, for gifts, for abilities.  And then things would get better and he’d realize he didn’t need all those things.  The way he was made was more than good enough.  And he’d forget about it.  And eventually, when he wasn’t expecting it nor was he prepared for it, he’d get what he had asked for.
        This was one of those things—to be able to understand other people’s minds.  Not to read them.
        That’s crazy, Kyle thought to himself.
        Just to understand them.
        And now he could.  It had been developing for a while, he realized.  Before he had even asked for it. 
        Little things before like thinking along the same lines as someone.  Coming to the same conclusion they did at the same time.  Being in the mood for the same food as other people in the group. 
        But now it was more.  Shared feelings.  Emotions.  Maybe a touch of persuasion.  Was it magic?  Psychic energy?  Or was it just intuition…a logical train of thinking being able to arrive at conclusions that other people have because well, it’s the logical conclusion.  And there could be explanations for everything else as well.  But maybe there didn’t need to be.  Just like we can explain how birth happens and the creation of life, but that doesn’t negate that it’s a miracle from God. 
        He no longer believed in chance or coincidence.
        Serendipity.  Destiny.  God’s timing.
        There were accidents, yes.  And tragedies.  Unfortunate acts of nature that took people’s lives.  There was terrorism and crime that ran rampant.  But with the individual person’s life?  Everything was connected. 
        And Kyle saw it.  He felt time ticking away, like his watch.  He saw the connections everywhere.  For example, Person A met Person B because Kyle brought “B” somewhere that “A” worked at.   It was all connected.  And Kyle meeting “A” in the first place?  It was a meeting that seemed planned, being at the right place at the right time.
        But not everyone is ready for this awareness—the people around those that have it.  And when it is shared.  When it is used.  People can be uneasy.  But with this awareness, if it is truly from God, comes patience.  And it is strongly needed.
        Kyle didn’t know what his purpose was for having this gift if those that he thought he was meant to help rejected it.  And then he was stuck feeling what they felt, plus his own rejection.  Plus the horror of not being able to help, watching someone suffer and being able to do nothing.
        He had asked for this.
        And now he had it.
        He prayed once more.  “God, please show me how to wield, whatever this is.  Teach me when to step in and when to step away, despite what other people say.  Help me to understand that I am helping, even though it feels sometimes like I’m making it worse. Amen.”
        Another deep breath.
        Kyle showered and got dressed.  Then went outside, squinting from the bright day that it was.
        “Alright.  Let’s do this.”

A Rant

I wanted to rant about people and flirting too much but this just isn't going to go there.

Instead, I'm going to talk about communication and how some people suck at it.  Seriously.  If something is bothering you, tell the person.

From the negative...
Could you please stop chewing with your mouth open.
Pick your clothes up off the floor.
Look, there's something we need to talk about.

To the positive...
Hey, I think you're cool, we should hang out.
I like what you've got on today.
Thank you for being a great friend, you're more than I deserve and I'm thankful for having you in my life.

To the in between...
I'm uncomfortable with this situation.
I don't really feel welcome here.
I'd really like some time by myself for a bit.  It's nothing against you, I just want some "me" time.

For some reason, we don't do well with confrontation of any kind.  We don't want to be viewed as stuck up, a suck up, or anywhere in between that might have a negative connotation.  So we just don't even try.  But the ironic thing is that through our inactivity we are can often be viewed either as the stereotypes that we are trying to avoid or as the exact oposite of the spectrum which isn't any better.

But it's just so important for us to communicate.  See we sometimes don't feel comfortable communicating with people we barely know.  But in truth, it's impossible to get to know someone until you begin to communicate with them.  Sometimes you just have to take the plunge and be uncomfortable.  And work past it.  Can it suck for those of us who don't have a natural talent at opening up to people? Yes.  But too bad.

Quit being sissies (including myself) and get out there and communicate!  Open up to people.

That's all I've got.

Petrichor

I work at a bookstore now!  So exciting!  I've been at it around a month now.  I told myself I was going to keep track exactly the day I started.  But just like a lot of other things I tell myself I'm going to do and or keep track of, I didn't.

Something I'll have to work on.

Two of my shifts are closing shifts.  In my head, they are the most stressful.  There's a lot involved, twice as much as opening.  I enjoy both but it's pressure.  But this job feels right.  Working in a bookstore.  It just feels right.

Anyway...

I love the smell in the air after rain.  "Petrichor."  According to doctor who it's the smell of dust after rain.  Wikipedia says it's the smell of the earth.  I don't know :P  But it smells wonderful and it smelled like that last night when I got home from work after closing.  It reminds me of so many other times it smelled like that.  Of my childhood.  Of summer.  When I was getting done with work, I heard a hissing noise that took me a bit to register as rain.  I looked out the window and sure enough...  It was odd because it was really warm all day.  And here it was raining.  REALLY raining.  I locked up and made a bee line for the van, passing a couple of kids in the car next to mine that may or may not have been involved in, well, each other.  The desire to be as dry as possible was stronger than any curiosity I had.  The last part of the closing shift entails driving to the bank to the night deposite.  As I did this, it continued to pour.  But as I drove home it started to lighten up.  By the time I pulled up next to my house, it had nearly stopped, only the lightest of rains remained.  And as I stepped out of the vehicle, petrichor hit my nostrils.

It's a subtle reminder that no matter the unexpected storms that life throws your way, something beautiful will always follow.

Your's In Writing

With Great Power...

How do I start this?

I'm changing.  For the better I'm sure.  I hope.

I'm learning and relearning so many things.  And one thing has become abundantly clear: everyone has a dark side.  The problem with being empathetic is that yours is a reflection of others as well as your own ghosts.

And being able to sense things.  Not like a psychic or anything.  But being able to understand certain situations and attitudes and read between the lines.

It's frustrating when you can help and that person won't let you.  You don't know why, or how.  You just know you can.  You can feel it as deep as the marrow in your bones.  You know it to be true.  And you are resisted at nearly every turn.

Nearly every turn.  But not all.

So where is it?  My way in?  What's the key?

With great power comes great responsibility. A movie quote, yes.  But a good one.  To paraphrase something that someone else told me, if you have the ability to do something [in a helping sense], then you also have the responsibility to do it.  If you can [help] then you should.

But how do I help someone who doesn't want to be helped?

Why am I changing - gaining an understanding of these abilities - if I can't even use them?

All in good time I trust.  But the waiting is killing me.

Your's In Writing