Merry Christmas

I'm sorry

To all the friends who's relationships I've let go by the way side, I'm sorry. I know that doesn't cover it. But nothing ever can.

As we go into this new year, I'm not going to promise or resolve that I'll be better because I don't know that so will. But I will say that I never meant for it to be this way.

I'm alway here, I'm always ready to listen. I might not be there at that second but shoot me a text or email or Facebook message or give me a call and leave me a voice message if I don't pick up. I am pretty busy these days but not to busy for you. Never too busy.

Merry Christmas

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I'm sorry that it has been a long while since last I wrote.  I guess this doesn't have to be so regular, just like a vlog doesn't have to be regular.  Sometimes people expect it to be and it really doesn't have to be.  Less pressure.

What are we thankful for this holiday season? I know even though it is a time of gladness and joy throughout the holidays, there is plenty of room for ungratefulness.  Terrible drivers made worse with adverse driving conditions. Impatient customers doing there holiday shopping. And so much more. There's a lot to be unthankful for.  But as I critique the faults of others in the rush of the season, it is out of an awareness of my own faults. I can and have been impatient on the road.  Or argue with my family when we're trying to spend time together.

Sin enters into the picture. Short fuses. Just one of many things that trip us up while we're trying to be "good". The sermon last Sunday touched on that point. To paraphrase, we can be "good" all we want but it should be out of a love for others, not out of a desire to "be good". Christ, who was and is good, who didn't sin died in our place.

So what am I thankful for this holiday season? That God takes me back even though I don't deserve it. Even though I deserve the death that Jesus died, through that, God sees us as good.

There was more  I wanted to say but my mind likes to travel and tangent.

Wherever you are and whatever you believe, let's all be thankful for each other.  Let us not be quick to anger.

Your's In Writing

Advice From The Professional On Marriage

I was at a wedding reception this past spring and one of the many things the couple had for us to do was take a sheet of fancy patterned paper titled "Advice from the professional on marriage" with these prompts on them followed by an ellipses (ex: "Always remember to...") and fill out what we thought would be good or what came to mind etc.

This is what I wrote down: Advice from the professional on marriage. 

Always remember to...hold hands. 

 Always tell your spouse...the truth. 

 Never forget to...Kiss: hello, goodbye, good morning and good night. 

 Never let...a day go by without saying I love you. 

 Always admit...when you're wrong. 

 Learn to love...the little things. 

 Love your parent, even when...you disagree with them. 

 May the both of you always...Keep God at the center. 

 My best advice for a lasting marriage is...Forgive each other as God forgave us. We are unconditionally loved.

When To Trust

As a christian, I both hear from others and say myself that all we need is God. And this is 100% true.  And where there are things that take us away from that, we are to realize that we don't need them that much. This is on a general level. Like if we don't have time in the day to read the Bible or something.  But if we're putting God as the foundation for everything we do that day, then we have time enough for God.

What I wanted to talk about (since I'm on a time crunch) is that sometimes we have desires and worries that get in the way of our time with God. We just need to remember that God has it all under control.  That doesn't mean that we just sit back and let life happen. That's not how it works. Not by a mile. But it DOES mean that as we live our life, what happens in our life is meant for us to learn grow from.  As long as we are keeping God as the foundation.  But what if our thoughts are out of that founded trust in God everyday. What if we have a thought or desire that no matter how much we say, "No God, I'm not going to worry or spend my time thinking about that, I know you've got it taken care of, the thought is persistent. It could be meant to distract us still. It could be a test of our faith. Just how strong is it and will we trust in God, even if we are emotionally beat with that desire or worry.

But what if that thought is from God. When we trust in God and put him at the foundation of our lives, and that though is still there, what if he's giving us that desire to strive towards. What if that desire is meant for us because he wants us to want that. What if that desire comes to fruition. Anywhere from the financially unwise and persistent desire for a motorcycle that birthed a ministry called Zero Gravity. What if it's for a job that doesn't make any sense. That people tell you won't work, but you just can't shake it.  But what if it's for a mate or thing or an event or an idea. These desires and concerns could map out the rest of your life.

We just have to ask ourselves if God is foundation. And pray a lot.  And trust God, that no matter what our desires are, he has a future in mind and knows the end result. And if we're trusting in God, that result is better than anything we could ever imagine. I know I'm looking forward to what he has in store for me.

Your's In Writing

The Song Of My Heart

I went for a much needed walk today. They're always needed. Some days more than others. But this was much needed. There's this particular song I like listening to. I identify with it for reasons I don't need to go into. I put the song on repeat, inserted the headphone buds into my hears and headed out.

Music is magical if you believe in that sort of thing. Or miraculous. Science would say it's psychological. In any case, it can invoke feelings in us that can be mood altering. Some people will try to say that a song is just a song. But I know better than that. Every song is a piece of someone or something. It's poetry. Music is expressive. Even those artists that sing other people's songs. Someone wrote that song, poured there heart and soul into that song. Yes there are lighthearted songs that maybe aren't that "deep" but even those are someone's thoughts, which are a part of them. So, every song is a piece of someone. And sometimes, that piece of someone connects or resonates with someone else.

That's what this song does with me. I listened to it on repeat as I walked around my neighborhood.  I let it soak in to my mind, to my soul. I stepped with the beat. The crash of the symbols, the dancing of the piano keys.  I knew people could see me as I moved wildly to the beat of a song they couldn't hear (but isn't life like that anyway?) but I didn't care. I arrived at my old elementary school and laid down in a piece of the playground equipment. I let the song finish one more time and then I stopped the music.
And then I read scripture.  The iPod has been wonderful for that. In places I normally wouldn't carry a Bible or have music to listen to or all these different things, it's all in one. So I read. Nothing in particular. Just whatever the suggested reading in the plan thing the app comes with.

The walk was much needed because I wasn't feeling quite wonderful. Well, okay, who ever does? But I was feeling particularly less not quite wonderful and was in need of some fresh air and solitude. But it turned out I needed that scripture even more. While the song made me feel "good" due to the lyrics or the beat or whatever, the scriptures made me feel better. There's just nothing like absorbing God's word. I listened to Christian music on the way back. It was remarkable what a stark difference I felt on this second half of my outing. Like two different versions of me.

It's all a reminder that God is what's most important in the end. Not people or things. Or expectations or dreams. These aren't bad by any means. They are often God given and should be cherished. But not depended upon. That burden is for God alone to to bare. And it's really not a burden for him.  He created us in need of him. That's the whole point.

We are imperfect and need the Savior to realign our hearts.

And to write the song of our hearts.

Your's In Writing

Don't You Dare

Every life is important from beginning to end. From conception to death. Every second of every day. Every life is precious. Don't you dare try to tell me any different. There is no such thing as not important or insignificant. Have you ever thought people would be better off without you? STOP IT. That's not for you to decide.  If you have that thought than just focus on yourself for a while. Spend some time with people you know will change your mind or just spend some alone time.  Whatever it is you need to get out of that mindset.  Find that thing that pulls you back.  God, family, a best friend.  For me it's all three, but in that order.

You are special. You are unique. You may share similarities with other people but there is only one person that is you.

Doctor Suess really said it best:

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

Don't rob the world of that.

Your's In Writing

A Work Out

Shoveling, without a doubt, is quite the workout.  Especially at about 32 degrees.

It's rewarding too.  Physical labor.  Or at least the results of said labor.  I never really like mowing the lawn but I always love the way it looks when I'm all done.  Nor do I cherish shoveling.  But having a path where there wasn't one before is very satisfying.  Though, I do appreciate the "work out" aspect of it.  A big reason why so many people are out of shape is because we don't work for a living.  At least a lot of us don't.  Many jobs these days lend themselves to being inside doing one or two things that aren't all that psychically demanding.  There are exceptions but most people aren't out working on farms or cutting down trees for firewood or "hunting and gathering".

I need to actually work out.  I may very well get a gym membership or see about working out at the gym where I went to high school.  But waiting to do that is no excuse.  I can run outside if I dress right.  I can do pushups or whatever else in my room.  I can stretch anywhere.  And I can starting eating better anytime.

So why don't I?

May this will be something else I'll do differently in the new year.  After all, I've started a vlog, I'm working on video projects (even if they are from last year) and I've got a new lease on life.  This is a new year.  A new me.

I don't know who I'm changing into, this new me, but I'm looking forward to finding out.

Bit of a story...

So, a day or two ago, while I was preparing for the day, I looked at a towel that I thought to be salmon colored and a story around said towel began to take shape. Just a bit of a story.  But still...  Now of course, I remember non of that story save for the originating detail of the salmon colored towel.  Let this, I pray, be an Illustration of how important it is to write down story ideas AS SOON AS you think of them.  No matter how ridiculous they are, it may very well amount to something.  And you can always decide later that you don't want them.  But it is the folly of any aspiring writer to postpone the writing down of an idea or worse yet, to not write it down at all.  In either case, the theory is that it is unique enough and therefor memorable enough to be recalled at a later date without the aid of paper and a writing utensil.

I don't know why I got all sophisticated there toward the end.  That was weird.  

New Year's Musings

I'm sorry.  I really am.

I think a lot.  I do.  Maybe too much.  Or maybe not enough.

Events and holidays always get me going more so.

As we adjust into 2014 I think about the people I've met in the last year or so.  My friends.  Companions.  Acquaintances.  Mentors.  Co-workers.  Associates.  On and on the list goes.  Everyone that's been in my life to some extent or another.  And many of these categories overlap.  But how close am I really with the entire "friend" category?

Doctor Who puts it best. (Yes, I like "Doctor Who" and reference it often. Get over it.)
"Friends? Is that the right word for the people you acquire?"

I feel like that sometimes.  Like I just acquire people.  Nonsense of course.  But still.  It haunts me at times.  I wonder, Can I really call them all my friends?  I think that term gets a bit overused these days.  Perhaps the ones we call "close friends" are the actual friends.  "Close friend" specifies what type of friend.  This I realize.  Or "True friend."  But if someone isn't a "true" friend, are they really a friend at all?  Yes.  Again.  More haunting.  It's not that I'm criticizing their part in our relationship, but rather my own.  That I'm not putting in all I should.  And yet, it takes two.  But that doesn't mean they aren't my friends.

I imagine how a conversation may go if I was ever to vocalize this line of thinking with someone.

Friend: I'm sorry we didn't invite you to that thing.
Me: Eh, no worries.  And it's my fault anyway.
Friend: Oh?
Me: I haven't really been in touch with a lot of them.  And I don't honestly know everyone that well.
 They're my friends sure.  But that's a rather large category.  To be honest, I hardly interact with most of them.  Maybe I'm not as good of a friend as I should be.  Maybe if I was, they would have invited me.
Friend: I'm sure it's not you.  And again, I do feel bad.
Me: I'm sorry if I'm making you feel that way.  I meant that perhaps I don't have any business calling them that if we aren't very close.  And you.  I don't know you very well either.  I'm not saying I don't think of you as one.  But when you think of your friends, do I pop into your head?
Friend:  Well of course.
Me: Really? I mean don't get me wrong, I'm honored.  But would you ever hang out with me? Just the two of us?  I want to.  I really do.
Friend: There are different kinds of friends.
Me: I know.  And I'm a surface friends to a lot of people.  And I don't want to be that.  But...I'm just as guilty of doing it as anyone else.  So I can't really complain.

This post kind of got away from me.

My friend in this scenario would be right.  There are different kinds of friends.  They serve different purposes.  You have your hang out friends and close friends and your nerdy friends and hobby friends and your work friends.  And on and on the list goes.  And many of these overlap.

Look at your friends right now.  How many of them do you keep in touch with?  Are they all someone you'd like to spend an afternoon with?  Are you neglecting someone?  Are you crowding someone else?  Are you trying to be closer than they'd like?  Maybe they just want a talk on facebook friendship and not a hangout one.  Or maybe they like spending time with you but aren't big on corresponding.

But I still feel like I'm missing something.  And I probably always will.  After all, we can't keep in contact with everyone.  I admire those that make an effort.  I wish I was better at it.  I wish I was just the perfect friend.  I know I'm not.  But I really appreciate the ones that stick around and put up with my anyway.

I'm sorry if this got really heavy.

Happy New Year.

Your's In Writing